Thursday, December 23, 2010

Top 5 Horror Best and Worst Movie Couples

I'm lucky enough to have two of my best friends fall for each other. J&D are awesomely cool and amazing friends but are even better together. I alternate between vomit brought on by cuteness and managing to keep some faith in romantic love alive because of them. So in the spirit of the holidays I'm doing a Top-5 Best and Worst Horror Movie Couples list dedicated to them.

Horror movies may not seem like the place to find love but what makes you commit more than a life or death situation? Nothing. Seriously. Fuck e-harmony and Plenty of Fish. If you want to nab yourself a partner trap your crush in an abandoned mental asylum and see if they aren't willing to agree to anything by the end of the night.

Let's work backwards with how NOT to do it.

Top 5 Worst Horror Movie Couples

#5 Marie and Alexa from Haute Tension (2003)
DO ask someone out on a date if you're unsure of their intentions.
DO NOT slaughter their entire family and dog. And DO NOT hold them hostage. Y'know... just a thought. It may leave them with no other options for who to turn to but their side of the church is going to look awful sparse at the wedding.

#4 Peter and Joanna Eberhart from The Stepford Wives (1975)
It's okay to be threatened by your partner. You should aim for someone successful and indepedent. But we're none of us perfect. When you feel threatened you should focus on yourself. Get a new hobby. See friends. Work on getting that promotion. DO NOT give up and turn your spouse into an awesome sex-robot. We're not in Japan.

#3 Mina Murray and Jonathan Harker from Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
It sucks to get dumped. It's the least fun thing ever. But if it's going to happen don't you want to be left for their former lover who has cheated death and become immortal just to find them again? At least you know there's nothing you could have really done.

#2 Rosemary and Guy Woodhouse from Rosemary's Baby (1968)
Actors are notoriously fickle. But a lot of their weird neroses can be overcome. And any functional relationship relies somewhat on forgiveness as long as you know what your boundaries are. I'd say letting the Prince of Darkness rape you for fame crosses at least a few of those boundaries.

#1 Sidney Prescott and Billy Loomis from Scream (1996)
Sid, Sid, Sid... woman's intuition is supposed to pick up on the fact that your boyfriend is revenge killing all your friends. Sometimes you really do have to blame yourself.

Now... who gets it right?

#5 Ash and Sheila from Army of Darkness (1992)
This couple can only be described in direct quotes. They work on their honesty: "Sheila: You found me beautiful once. Ash: Honey, you got real ugly." And they are possibly the most outwardly passionate couple on this list. Who doesn't want to hear "Give me some sugar, baby"? No one I want to know.

#4 Mina Murray and Count Dracula from Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
When Gary Oldman wants to make you his bride after waiting centuries for you, you do it.

#3 Jim and Selena from 28 Days Later
Jim and Selena are a good arguement for waiting. They spend a lot of the movie just trying to survive and getting to know each other. When they finally mac on each other it's soooooooo worth it.

#2 Shaun and Liz from Shaun of the Dead (2004)
Sometimes it takes a zombie apocolypse to spice up a relationship. But sometimes it makes you realize how lucky you are to have what you've always had. Awwwww.

#1 Oskar and Eli from Let The Right One In
Your first can be your best. Oskar is able to look past Eli's vampirism and Eli kicks Oskar's tormentors' assess.

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