Instead we've got Heather Graham! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.... cough... cough...
|And this photo is from when she had a career.|
So I've made it about 39 mins through the movie and not much has happened, but I'll fill you in. Samantha is a teacher at a Catholic school called St. Rosemary's (geddit?), and she's the worse teacher ever. She spends the whole time staring at kids mournfully. I didn't know pre-pregnant postpartum depression was possible. Egg-Free's main characterization is that he's British. He's shooting for the Hugh Grant likability factor by saying saucy comments to H-Gra the whole time. To wit:
Egg-Free: You saucy minx.
H-Gra: Ha-heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-ha (gasping for air)
Because these two have zero chemistry director Simon Fellows tries to fix this by having them laugh innaporpriately had at every single thing the other one does. And yes, H-Gra's laugh is "ha-heeeeeeeeeeeee-ha. Like a donkey.
Anyway, Egg-Free is a wannabe writer so the evil IVF people help him get a book deal for some reason. Which is kind of like Guy selling Rosemary out for fame as an actor. He goes to meet the head of some really powerful publishing house - keep in mind this movie was made in 2004 - and the publishing guy is so weird because he had relics from saints. ISN'T THAT CREEPY?!!??! AREN'T YOU TOTALLY FREAKED OUT BY IT?!?!?!!?
It's okay. I wasn't either. Anyhoozle, H-Gra gets preggers and instead of staying in the country near the IVF place they return to NYC but their apartment has been vandalized!!!!! By whom? Punks? Renegade Satan worshipers?
Also, Andy Serkis is in this. I adore Andy Serkis. I can only hope he plays some kind of embodiment of the devil a la Tim Curry in Legend.
That's right kids, you've got another live blog coming your way. It's the only way I'll be able to finish the damn movie.