Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Keanu Hear Me - Part Deux


11:14 pm mm... the people below me are listening to Clap Your Hands Say Yeah at an interesting volume. No doubt this will add to the tone of the movie...

11:15pm Goddammit! J-Co was just about to give Will Smith Jr a talking to then another sphere shows up. CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY TO PARENTING

11:16pm Every so often the film will halt so Klatu-Keanu can walk in slow motion. What is this, the Hipster Olympic?

11:19pm Apparently "saving the earth" and "saving us" are two different things. Methinks J-Co went to the same university as Denise Richards' Christmas Jones.

11:23pm I love the way Klatu-Keanu puts. A. Period. At. The. End. Of. Every. Word.

11:27pm So Klatu-Keanu is all like take me to your leader so I may reason with them and J-Co takes him to John Fucking Cleese, who's a Nobel Prize Winner of Biology or something. Personally, I would have taken him to Michael Palin.

11:28pm Apparently listening to Bach makes Klatu-Keanu not want to destroy our planet.

11:33pm Will Smith Jr is a little bitch and called the cops on Klatu-Keanu. As they run out, John Cleese advised J-Co to ho herself out to him. This never would have happened with Palin.

11:37pm J-Co gets captured and now Will Smith Jr only has Klatu-Keanu, which reveals his little bitchy scaredy cat side.

11:41pm Robot thing starts attacking from inside the compound by turning into a locust type thing. The movie suddenly takes a weird biblical turn.

11:43pm The government peeps decide that J-Co's flirting skills are humanity's last hope. And if that doesn't work out Jon Hamm is going with her.

11:46pm Will Smith Jr arranges to meet J-Co at Will Smith's grave. Emotional manipulation reaches maximum point. Klatu-Keanu tries to explain that "death is transformation."Will Smith Jr. cries over string music. Pause movie to vomit.

11:48pm J-Co shows up. Will Smith Jr. realizes that J.Co misses Will Smith too. Relationship issues resolved people!!!

11:50pm Oh no! The metal locusts show up!!!!! Happy-family-graveyard-scene fail!

11:53pm They make it back to the city. Jon Hamm does sexy badass driving.

11:56pm A time that will live in infamy, Jon Hamm dies in a needless car accident. No one says anything about it.

11:57pm Will Smith Jr. get metal locusts inside him. Klatu Keanu says he's dying. There is much rejoicing.

12:00am Klatu-Keanu high-five's the sphere in Central Park and all the electricity shuts off and all the locusts and spheres go away... therefore making us ... better?

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