Thursday, January 13, 2011

Top 5 Traumatizing Kids Movies

A lot of people responded to my Top-5-Terror-Inducing-Films post with an overwhelming reaction to Ernest Scared Stupid. Apparently, I'm not alone on this. So I'm doing a Top 5 Traumatizing Kids Movies because they "be freaky".

#5 E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
Oh man, did this get me. I cried and cried. I never actually got past the first 5 minutes of the film because it was too traumatizing when E.T. gets left by his buddies who are apparently incapable of doing a head count. I have no idea if Drew Barrymore's performance in this is as terrifying as the rest of her career but I'll never know. I actively refuse to see this movie due to its scarring effect on my life.

#4 Arachnophobia(1990)
I hope other people found these movies as disturbing as I did otherwise I'm outting myself as the biggest pussy ever. So, I've just learned Arachnophobia is a "comedy horror" film. Again, this is another movie I only made it through the first 5 minutes because that's when the spider crawls into a guy's sleeping bag, bites and kills him. What. The. Fuck. Traumatizing is a delicate word for the way it affected me. I used to sleep with my hands under my pillow because I was convinced that a spider would bite and kill me. Even today, more often than not, I'll sleep with my hands under my pillow. And guess who produced this fucker. Steven Spielberg. That's right. I hate that man. He's after me.

#3 The Secret of N.I.H.M (1982)
WHAT THE FUCK DON BLUTH????????????????? I blame this for my constant fear of tractors. Seriously, panic attacks. I don't do well at farms in general. But also, the deaths in this film are more tragic than Bambi's mom. I had reoccurring nightmares because of this movie for a year.

#2 The Dark Crystal
The Muppets are something every child should watch. They're darn funny and adorable. The Dark Crystal... well... I have reservations... Seriously, the Skeksis? What child of the 70s or 80s wasn't haunted by them?

#1 The Witches (1990)

I loves me some Roald Dahl. Most interesting people and kids I know read his books... this movie however. I'd read the book multiple times but nothing could prepare me for this.

Even as I type it's freaking me out. Also, I was convinced for the longest time that all children in paintings were put there by witches. Thankfully, I've grown out of that belief. For the most part.

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