Thursday, September 22, 2011

The Ghosts Continue To Be In The Machine

I love it when I'm right. It's truly one of my favourite things. So as I was breezing through the new additions to Netflix Canada I came across this bad boy:

Anyone? ANYONE? Well, if you remember, when Scare Tactic was in its infancy (it's at least a toddler now) I wrote a nifty little review of a movie called Pulse. A movie so weird and convoluted I maintain that what eventually killed the characters was a complete lack of logic. Granted it's a movie about ghosts attacking us through wi-fi, sucking out our souls which in turn makes us walk around until we kills ourselves, but you'd think there would be some kind of plot or thought behind it. But no, all we have is a bunch of sad-sacks that off themselves.That's right kids, it's ye olde suicide epidemic.

Now it's seven years later. The Amish are being heralded as geniuses and people are making do in pseudo-refugee camps. Everyone is happy... kind of... well, happy in the way people in The Road are happy. Everyone is at least content to ride this thing out and make the best of a slightly uncomfortable situation. Unless you're super bad-ass teenage Justine. She's all messed up and has managed to find the only mini-skirt and and black eyeliner in a post-apocalyptic world, so you know she's hardcore.

Our hesitant heroine uncovers a laptop in some kind of junk yard. (you'd think the new leaders would make with the burny-burny of those wacky technology items, but nooooooooooooooo.) Pulse 3 actually does something incredibly brave. It demands you NOT think. The second you start thinking about the plot and the hows and whys your brain will (ironically) short circuit. So new-wave Courtney Love starts up the laptop which apparently still has power and immediately starts chatting with some lovely fellow who refuses to answer any direct questions about himself. The only piece of information that he parts with is that his name is Adam which in turn brings about this exchange:

ADAM: Tell me about yourself.
JUSTINE: What do you want to know?
ADAM: Are you pretty?
JUSTINE: I don't know?
ADAM: That means you're pretty. How old are you?
ADAM: Really?
JUSTINE: 17 actually.
ADAM: I thought so. I want to see you. I'm imagining you.
JUSTINE: With or without clothes?
ADAM: Does it matter?

At which most people would start yelling "STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!"

But Justine is a rebel and therefore not most people so she agrees to meet him in Houston. What follows is an Odyssey-esque journey for Justine (and by "Odyssey-esque" I mean the picture book version) meeting people who are both helpful and creepy, strange and murderous. When she does finally meet Adam she discovers *SHOCKER* that he's not who he said he was.... like every To Catch A Predator episode ever.

Pulse 3: Invasion doesn't just beat a dead horse, it reanimates it and forces it to walk around for a while. It's a pretty amazing exercise in the lengths producers will go to in hopes of keeping a franchise alive. Irrational, illogical, eyeliner-laden lengths.

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